If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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