If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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