i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
