just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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