Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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