i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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