if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
