community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
