And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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