There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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