it wasn't lemon gatorade
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
