You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
