I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
