guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
