so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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