You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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