just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
