The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
