maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
