It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
