you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
