Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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