It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I am one with the molecules
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
