we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
