i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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