i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
