I wish you could order shots online.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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