Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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