Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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