i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
