I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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