when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Your penis caused this!
Randomize