so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
