The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
