my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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