this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
