He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Sorry about my life...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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