Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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