There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
