Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
