I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
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We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
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I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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