there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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