I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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