47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize