it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
