i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
