And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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