I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
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