Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
