Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
