it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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