My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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