Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
