Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
he just fucked me for my cheese.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
