YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
