You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Please, let me fuck your mom
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
