I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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