youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
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his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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