I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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