Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
