she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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