well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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