i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
