Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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